Tag Archives: art

finding the joy of music again: a new journey

As someone who struggles with depression and anxiety, I believe that the arts can be very helpful to those who are dealing with mental health conditions. With the arts, I can express my emotions, set goals, practice fulfilling activities, and sometimes find that sense of being lost in a creative flow.

Yet, as a music student, I find that my motivation to work as a musician is often hindered by my mental state. Yet, when I’m struggling to find passion for music, I still have a drive to make visual art, to learn more about fashion, or to write. In fact, I think I have even more of a drive to practice the other arts I enjoy when I’m feeling down, though my motivation as a musician struggles.

The difference is that, because I am in music school, music doesn’t feel like as much of an art to me anymore. It feels like a thing of necessity. It is not an expression of emotions anymore; it is a fulfillment of requirements. For me, music school often turns music into a lifeless chore for me. It makes me tired and it isn’t usually fun.

I want to try and rediscover the fun of music. I wish it was simple, but I feel like I’ll have to dig through years of stress and pressure and perfectionism to find the fun of it underneath it all.

Meanwhile, I can’t stop treating music as an academic thing for me. I have pieces I need to accomplish right now, and techniques that demand to be mastered. I can’t drop the responsibility and treat music as a thing that is solely for fun. So how will I rediscover music as an enjoyable and life-giving activity, while simultaneously keeping up with the demands of my current life as a musician? I am unsure.

I think I need to find some music related activities to engage in just for the heck of it. I need to find some new albums that inspire me, or learn a piece that I like but that I won’t program for a recital. Something that I won’t pressure myself to make perfect. Maybe I need to analyze a favorite piece of mine without the pressure of it being an assignment for class. Or maybe I need to find a way to incorporate the other arts that I’m still excited about into my music making.

I don’t really know.. but what I do know is that I’m in some sort of rut, and I haven’t been able to get out of it for a while. I need to do something, because I’m definitely not willing to give up.

I think this blog could maybe help me. By writing about my journey to rediscover the joy of music, I’ll have a place to document my findings. I’ll have a project to continue with, and projects like this make me excited.

I often look around at the musicians surrounding me and wonder why I’m the only one who feels the way I do. And then I remember that I’m probably not the only one… so in case anyone else needs it, here I am as some proof that not all musicians or artists feel motivated all the time… and that’s okay. 🙂

 

better ways to procrastinate?

Earlier this week, I set some goals for this month, including:

  • practicing my clarinet 5 out of 7 days every week
  • finishing one painting
  • posting on my blog at least twice a week about my progress

I had a few purposes for setting these goals, but my biggest reason for setting these goals was to help my mental health and keep myself busy.

So far, things are going well! Yesterday I painted and practiced, and got a few other things done too. But today… I feel like procrastinating.

I know that I’ll get around to practicing and painting before the day is over, but so far I have done only a few things, including catching Pokemon on Pokemon Go, using a face mask, and crocheting a coaster.

coasters

I’ve crocheted multiple coasters lately (usually while putting off another activity), and it has been pretty fun. One of the main ways that I procrastinate is by knitting or crocheting. You could call it “procrastiknitting”, I suppose.

When it comes to activities that can help better mental health, I find that procrastination is one of my worst enemies. For some reason, I often try to put off activities that will help me, even if they are activities I like. But there are some ways to put things off that are better than others.

I oftentimes procrastinate by simply watching videos on my phone or by going on social media. However, this has never left me feeling any better. Recently, I deactivated my social media in order to take a break, but I will still watch videos pretty often. Sometimes this is okay; there’s nothing wrong with watching a video or two while eating my dinner, but if I waste an entire afternoon on the couch with YouTube, I’ll probably find myself feeling pretty crummy later.

Procrastinating might never be a great thing, but there are ways to procrastinate more positively, and this can actually be helpful.

If you feel like procrastinating, try doing something active rather than passive. Put down the phone and find some way to create something, do something healthy, or treat yourself. These activities can help give you some active momentum. When you’re done, perhaps you’ll be able to do the thing you were putting off with less resistance from yourself.

Today I chose to procrastinate by making crafts and taking a walk outside while I caught Pokemon, and I definitely feel better and more motivated. Not a bad decision, at all. 🙂

What ways do you usually procrastinate? Are there better activities that you could choose?

What are the things in work or your personal life that you put off doing the most?