I have two laptops. One of them is heavy, doesn’t fit into my backpack, and has a lot of loading issues. I named that one Roger. the other one has keyboard problems; letters t and y don’t work unless I repeatedly press them, and it’s nearly impossible to capitalize them. Hence, the lower case t that I started the previous sentence with. I haven’t given that laptop a name, but it’s blue, so I refer to it as the blue one.
I don’t write on the blue one most of the time, but sometimes Roger’s problems test my patience too much, or I don’t want to carry it with me around campus. When I do write on the blue one and have to press t and y between 7 and 15 times every time I need to use one of them, I have to pat myself on the back because I worked extra hard to get my words on the page.
Sometimes, as a creator, there are things that get in the way of making art, like malfunctioning keyboards, or for me, mental health. It’s awfully hard to write in a really negative head space. Sometimes it’s hard to write in a positive head space, but when my mind is being extra critical of the work I’m creating? It’s just downright painful. There are days when I try and just give up, and then there are the days where I push through. In either case, I remind myself that I tried, and sometimes that is more than enough.
Being a musician is like that for me too. Practicing is difficult even when I’m in the best mindset. to have an effective practice session where I’m really getting work done means many things. Focusing on tone, tonguing, and practicing runs of notes in ways that actually help me to retain them? That’s a lot to pay attention to in short spans of time. But that’s just what practicing is like. And on days where my head space is extra critical or just plain sad? the practice room becomes a very tricky place.
But I try to go there anyway. And on those days I sometimes still try to write. And I still write on a laptop with a bad keyboard.
Sometimes things get in the way of creating, but when you’re fighting those things, remember that if your work isn’t what it might be on better days, it’s probably because you had to work so much harder just to begin. Sometimes it doesn’t matter whether the art you create on bad days is your best work. You’re a trooper just for trying.